Under the Wire

Asking a man how many cattle he has is like asking someone what their net worth is or how much money they have in the bank. You just don't do it. If you should accidentally commit this blunder you put the cowman in the uncomfortable position of having to either ignore you or lie. It just isn’t polite.

Still, we all judge a cattleman's success by how many head he owns. We are curious about things like this. What should also be considered is to subtract out how much he owes before judging the man's worth in cattle.

"It's not what you have, but what you get to keep," is a saying that sums up the situation.

For those of you who still want to know all about a cattleman's holdings, I propose a fairly sure-fire system for you.

I call this the "boot system." To figure out how many cattle a rancher has, look at his boots. Here are the guidelines to follow:

Shiny, clean boots preferably of some exotic leather indicate a man who has always wanted to own cattle, but doesn't yet.

Good boots, but pretty beat up indicating lack of care the last few months. This wearer probably has recently purchased a few cattle and found out they require a lot of work.

Scuffed, dry, cracking, generally worn-out boots show the man with a sizeable investment in cattle. He's too poor to buy a new pair, too busy to go to town to get them fixed and just too tired to care how they look.

Want to find the man with lots of cattle? Look for no boots at all. Heavy lace-up Red Wings or other work shoes probably mark this guy. He's too busy to keep up the image. Besides, since the cowboy fad hit, he hasn't wanted to spend the money to look like a cowboy. He knows who he is and doesn't care if anyone else knows or not.

In short, look at the boots. The worse shape, the more cattle. No boots, probably more than the average holdings.

I can think of exceptions to these guidelines, as probably all of you can, too. Overall, however, this rule of thumb isn't far off.

OK, you're probably wondering what kind of footwear I own. Well, the truth is, there's one more group I haven't told you about and I'm in that one. I'm wearing tennis shoes. Good old tenny-lamas. My group has been in the business long enough to owe everyone in town money. The tennis shoes help me out run the banker and feed store owner when I see them on the street.