Under the Wire

In a recent column I explained why I never became an Olympic athlete. In summary, no talent. Besides, all I ever wanted to be was a cowboy. The previous explanation also applies somewhat to my cowboy efforts. It was tough enough for me the way it was, I hate to think how hard it would have been if “cowboy” had been made a regular Olympic event. An entire country or two of competitors able to rope better than me was bad enough. I shudder to think how it would have been to open the field to the entire world.

I got a little nervous back in 2002 when they scheduled a Rodeo during the Utah Olympic gathering. I knew this event would attract the best in America plus some Canadians, a few Aussies, even a Brazilian or two. What would happen, I worried, if other countries decided to get into the act as well. In 1999 the United States had just under 273 million people. Of those at least 900 could rope calves faster than me. India had one billion people and China nearly 1.3 billion. At the same rate of good calf ropers per capita, there was another 9,000 toughs out there swinging a loop faster than me. If that wasn’t depressing enough, the world population was almost 6 billion. That means about 2 million potential tough ropers could be waiting to take my entry fees at the next rodeo. These figures might not be exact. Please forgive me. My hands began to shake so bad the more I thought about it, I may have missed a key or two on my calculator.

Later, after regaining my composure, it dawned on me. There was nothing to worry about from most of them anyway. Even though France sends good skiers to the Olympics, there would be no threat of a French cowboy. He ate his horse for lunch. China probably would have sent a couple of dozen contestants but they would be no problem. They made their own gear in China. True to form, it would be look alike copies made of plastic and cheap metal. Their ropes would break, the riggings pull out of their saddles and the rosin on the bull ropes would be made of rice glue. The bull fighters, four years later, are still trying to get one Bejiing cowboy loose from his bull.

The calf ropers from India worried me since they had a good supply of Brahma practice calves. None showed up to enter though. The list goes on and on. The Iranian bull riders kept putting dynamite instead of Kevlar in their protective vests. None made it through a practice session. The Mexican team discovered they could make more money working than rodeoing so they didn’t even enter. The guys from Columbia got the talcum powder for their calf ropes confused with something else. They will be released in seven more years.

After all my worrying, none was necessary. They only make true cowboys in two or three countries. I don’t need to beat two million calf ropers after all. Makes ranking 900th in the world calf roping standings seem pretty good!