Under the Wire

Walmart got me bucked off a horse a while back. I’m mad at them. Don’t tell me about lowest prices or biggest whatever. I’m bruised, scrapped and I hurt all over. It’s all Walmart’s fault.

Let me begin by saying I have never been a fan of any of those big, discount stores. Notice there is a comma separating the words big and discount. The stores are big, they offer some discounts, but seldom are these big discount (no comma) outfits. Sue and I are Mom and Pop business fans. We used to call ourselves a Mom and Pop operation but no longer. We are now a Grandpa and Grandma enterprise, obviously older but still small. We do as much shopping as we can at other Mom and Pop establishments. Someone must like these super stores, however, because they’re springing up faster than bindweed in a garden. I must admit, Sue and I probably couldn’t get by without ours anymore.

Old Sorrely and I were trotting down a fence line, looking for loosened or broken wires left by antelope or deer crossing through. It was a quiet early morning. Both horse and I must have been day dreaming. He saw it first. Before I noticed the plastic bag hooked on a barb and waving in the wind, my trusty mount was no longer trustworthy or my mount. He didn’t buck hard like I would like to have you believe. Nope. In one smooth but swift move, he was no longer under me. I found myself on my back, right in the middle of a big sage brush clump. Trust me, sage brush will never be mistaken for foam rubber.

It took a few moments to remember how to breath and stand upright. The nearby fence provided a place to lean. As my eyes began to uncross, I saw the bag gently waving in the breeze. The same bag that had caused all this. Angrily I reached out and pulled it from the fence. There I stood, about 40 miles from a Walmart parking lot with one of their plastic bags in my hand. If it hadn’t been for Wally World, I would still be horseback. Sam Walton’s creation had reduced me to a pedestrian, in a place pedestrians were not well suited. That probably will be the only time Walmart and I have anything in common. I didn’t like where either of us were located.

I know Walmart has lawyers. Some of them can probably read. I’m hoping they have a sense of humor. In order to head off any future legal actions, let me end with a positive statement about Walmart. They make good bags. These days in Colorado, there are no more plastic bags. Now, I will no longer have to worry about getting bucked off by one of their plastic bags. Sure hope their new UNplastic bags don’t blow in the wind!