Under the Wire

Regular “Under The Wire” readers know I write a lot about cattle. They are a big part of any rancher’s life and I suppose we do tend to spend too much time thinking, talking or, in my case, writing about them.

Today, as a surprise to no one, I’m going to do it again, however, from a different approach. This column is going to be about cattle being a big pain in the, how can I delicately say it? OK, just to be straight out honest, cattle can be a major pain in the “derriere.” Staying with the honesty thing, I had to look that word’s spelling up. Wasn’t sure if I should say “cattle can be a major pain in the butt," so got out the old dictionary and that’s what I came up with. Truth is “pain in the butt” describes it better.

What caused this major change to my bovine love affair?

As with most ranches, the onset of winter triggers the daily routine of feeding hay to the cows. Here on the Hodgson ranch, every single day from December through March begins with getting on the John Deere and hauling 1,500 pound round bales to the cows. Our tractor is fitted with a bale unroller on the rear three point hitch which makes the job much easier, with one problem.

The large bales are held together by a layer of netting around them, which requires being sliced open in the field where feeding is to take place. You can’t cut it open sooner because it will fall apart before reaching your destination. Here’s where the pain in the, well, you know, comes in.

When you get off the tractor, knife in hand to slice the pesky wrap, impatient cows crowd around, all knowing the first mouthful is the tastiest. So devoted to their quest for the best hay, none notice the skinny guy trying to cut the hay wrap. Outnumbered about one hundred to one, skinny guy is going to get clobbered, if not this day, any of the upcoming days.

This was my day. Two cows battling each other for first in line, one pushed the other right into me. The result was like having a Mac Truck with a cow rear for a bumper, plowing right into me. I landed on the above mentioned part of my anatomy, right on the frozen ground.

To make a short story long, the brief encounter has resulted in weeks of, let’s just say, extreme sensitivity in the lower regions. No saddle time for this cowboy.

So constant is the reminder of my poor judgement that I just had to write about “cows can be a real pain in the rear” No ifs, ands or … butts!