Under the Wire

Ever wonder where the term “online” originated? Most will answer, “Well, that’s an easy question, it began with the internet.” While many have claimed to have first thought up that monster, the truth is “online” goes way further back than the computer age. If any one person is responsible for coining the term, only one, Judge Roy Bean, can be given the title. This traveling circuit judge had another nickname which made him most famous, “The Hanging Judge.” It seems that a majority of his court cases ended in a guilty verdict, accompanied by the obvious sentence.

At this point, I must deviate from known facts and speculate a bit, OK, maybe a lot. Here’s my theory.

Some towns had gallows to deal with horse thieves and other criminals. Others were blessed with lots of trees where a convenient branch served justice as needed.

So what about towns with neither? Most were connected to the rest of the world with the new-fangled telegraph. Wires strung on hundreds of poles crisscrossing the barren land. These “lines” replaced many other methods of communication popular at that time, including the famous Pony Express.

Now, back to my convoluted history lesson. If Judge Bean happened to be summoned to a town with no trees or gallows, he would have surely noticed the telegraph structures. After one of his quick trials and signature sentences, when questioned about where this event was to take place, my theory is he replied, “On Line,” while pointing towards the nearest pole. Later the unfortunate law breaker would be taken “offline," never to be heard from again.

Modern times tend to verify my theory. If any of you ever find yourself “offline," you are left to never be heard from again, at least until a twelve year old shows you how to regain your internet service.

I myself have been sentenced to death “online” many times, “Dead in the Water," describes being completely unhooked from the outside world, via no internet. I am going to guess many of you have been sentenced to our modern “online/offline death.”

Old Roy Bean was just ahead of his time by about 200 years.

By the way, in order to write today’s column, I was forced to do a bit of research. Hate when that happens! Here’s what I learned from reading an article “online” by Derrick S. Ward.

“Born around 1825, the Judge appears to have familiarized himself with the law by getting in trouble with it many times including murder and over indulgence of alcohol. In fact he died in 1903 from “excess of liquor.”

Ironically, that is how many of us cope with being “online” and then suddenly “offline,” while waiting for the 12 year old to fix the problem.

Remember you heard it here, first.