Under the Wire

Sue and I bought a new “cowboy car” a while back. In case you’ve never heard of a “cowboy car” before, don’t worry about it. I just made up the term a few days before we bought it.

Everybody knows a “cowboy cadillac” is a fully customized crew cab dually with every creature comfort a genuine cow-type person could ever want. My “cowboy car” is different. Some cowboys occasionally buy regular cars. These cowboys are usually referred to as “married.” I’m in that category and doing my darnest to stay that way, in spite of what Sue seems to think at times. When she went car shopping I stayed in the shadows as she looked at and considered everything from a Volkswagen Bug to a Cadillac. This was to be her car, not mine, so my motto was a simple one. Butt out. I fully expected her to select a vehicle that would accommodate her small stature, which means I couldn’t wear a hat in it. That was OK, though, because I got to pick out my four wheel drive, she needs a ladder to get in, pickup.

Imagine my sheer joy when she pulled up the lane in what I instantly labeled, quietly in my mind, a “cowboy car.” The world knows them as SUVs. In short, it’s a very luxurious automobile, equipped with the things a guy loves. Four-wheel drive and a trailer hitch. Thus my title, cowboy car.

This thing is cool, but I had to keep my enthusiasm under cover for fear of raising Sue’s suspicions. If I liked it too much, she might think maybe it wasn’t the right car for her. It worked, too, because she bought it. I think we both love it. Sue has added her own feminine touches such as a little man’s head impaled on the radio antenna. It had to be a man’s head of course! She has a place for her purse, a box of tissues and a slot for her winning scratch tickets until the next trip to town. These seem to be necessary for her when choosing a “ride.”

I, on the other hand, found the “cowboy car” perfect in so many other ways. Let me list some of my favorites in an ascending order. It has one steering wheel, of course, but it’s a big, pickup like solid device. Not one of those little sissy small ones regular cars have. It has two big electric mirrors, controlled from the driver’s seat. Adjusting them as you drive helps pass the time on long trips. There are four tires the same size as my pickup. Cool, huh? How about eight cylinders? No wimpy four banger in this one . The power seat can be adjusted about 16 different ways. That’s good entertainment when my wife tells me to quit messing with the mirrors. It gets nearly 32 radio stations on both AM and FM. Most seem to play rock music beamed in from Los Angeles. I found two while sitting in our garage, however, that carry my daily livestock market report.

The final statistic is the most impressive of all. It has leather upholstery and required 64 calves. What’s that you say? There is no way there can be the hides from 64 calves in the four comfortable seats. You are right. I mean it will take 64 calves to pay for this beauty if the market holds.

Maybe a Volkswagen Bug would have been OK after all.