Under the Wire

This column is written for ladies, specifically wives and girlfriends. Men, however, should follow along. You’ll see why later.

One thing most men have in common is a hobby that once in a while gets to be more important than duller things like work. For some its golf, boats, motor cycles or race cars. Other men find antique tractors, four wheel pulling pickups or fishing more enticing than work. Still others place a priority on riding a cutting horse, bronc or bull. In my case it’s roping.

Most of the time, ladies, you’re pretty darn understanding. Well, at least you tolerate our alternate passions. You don’t say anything about how it probably would be a good idea if we stayed home. That, you see, is the problem ... you don’t say anything. Sometimes your silence leads to guilt on our part. We go off and do it, anyway, but we feel guilty. Not guilty enough to stay home, of course, but none-the-less guilty.

At our house, Sue simply says nothing or looks at me and says, “What do you want me to say?” She may be meaning to say, “I think that is the stupidest idea you’ve had since last week," or perhaps her conscience will not allow her to lie, that is, tell me it’s OK to go.

Therefore, I have prepared a statement for you to cut out and tape on the refrigerator. Simply fill in the appropriate blanks. The next time such an awkward situation develops, men take down the statement, hand it to your wife or girlfriend and have them read it to you. Ladies, you don’t have to mean it but just hearing you say it will be enough for us men to rid us of any guilt.

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“(man’s name), of course I want you to go (hobby in this space). You have worked so hard and unselfishly the past (# of days) since you last got to (hobby). (Note: delete this section if # of days is less than four).

The money you spend on (hobby) is so insignificant compared to the tremendous amount of effort you spend making me happy. Of course, I want you to go. Don’t worry about a thing. Just go have fun. You’re probably going to win more than (hobby) will cost anyway. I love you. You deserve this.”

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Ladies, if you can read this with a straight face and some degree of sincerity, it would be appreciated. If not, that’s OK. We just need to hear it anyway.