Under the Wire

Writing “Under The Wire” the past few months has been more challenging than anytime the past 35 years of cranking them out. The reason? Too many topics have become difficult to make fun of. During the past 1,800 or so columns I have held to a few very strict, self-imposed rules. First and foremost, I never want to offend any reader. Rule number two is my mother had to be able to read them. She passed away two years ago but the same question hangs over me. “Would she have approved of my saying what I just wrote?”

Sue has become my filter. Every column must pass the “Sue Test” and believe me, there is lots of filtering going on these days. Our world has become so polarized that even an innocent reference to a seemingly mild subject can stir up controversy.

I must live a fairly sheltered life because I can write a story about something I think is funny and Sue will give me the thumbs down gesture. “Facebook is lit up about that," she will caution me.

I recently wrote about how Sue and I “preconditioned” ourselves by getting two Covid Vacs, just like we do our calves. One shot before weaning, a second a month later when they are pulled off the cows. The common practice among cattle folk works so why would humans not trust the idea? Cows are always smarter than us anyway.

All she had to do was turn on the TV and there was my answer. Getting any shot, other than Bourbon, is now highly controversial.

I used to write about politicians and bankers since both take themselves way to serious while making ridiculous decisions. Bankers have gotten too boring to bother with but politics, I probably don’t need to mention, are now among the “non-funny” topics all the while providing us with at least one “Seriously?” moment every day.

My plan now is to keep writing what I think is funny, then watch for what drawer Sue files my reject columns in. I’ll just wait in the weeds until the world lightens up a bit, then thrill everyone with my wit. The only problem I can see is I only have 20 or 30 years to wait this out.

Let’s hope we get the “sense” back into “sense of humor," soon.