Under the Wire

Some folks have observed I write about cowboy type people and places. Out of respect for those whom that might offend, today I’m writing about an honest-to-goodness sailor and his adventures with ... a cowboy. Sorry, but that’s as close to not talking cowboy as I can get!

Just as the world has cowboys and “wannabes,” the sailing world has both types, too. In the world of the high seas, this particular sailor’s title is questioned by no one. You see, this man, accompanied by his wife, three kids and a sea-worthy dog, spent four years aboard a 48 foot sailboat traversing the world’s oceans. If any man has my respect for daring, it’s Wayne. In fact, only one thing can strike real fear in this hardy sole’s heart ... his equally fearless wife.

One of the advantages of Wayne keeping his family on a boat in the middle of the Pacific Ocean four years was that his cute teenage daughter didn’t get to see many boys. Any father can appreciate this strategy. Eventually, however, all good things must end. Wayne and his family crew returned to their home port to re-establish a more typical lifestyle and … wouldn’t you know it? Within a couple of months, daughter meets a guy and soon there are wedding plans. Here comes the cowboy part.

Wayne’s wife has a cousin married to a cowboy. When news of the latest family nuptials arrived, the cousin, cowboy in tow, headed off to lend helping hands. Wayne’s wife needed her cousin to help with mother of the bride details. Finding something for sailor Wayne and the cowboy to do was a little more difficult. Any job these two were assigned needed to meet two criteria. Number one it had to be fairly simple. Number two, it had to keep them out from underfoot. The day before the wedding the ladies found a perfect chore for the two, or so they thought.

The bride to be and her mother had selected a wedding cake that could only be prepared in a town nearly 100 miles away. Since delivery of this culinary masterpiece would add significantly to an already stretched budget (imagine that!), the ladies decided to send Wayne and Cowboy to get the cake. Before they left, however, the customary orders were issued.

“One of you drive the car and the other hold the cake on your lap. Do not, and I repeat, do not, take your eyes off this cake,” mother of the bride firmly instructed. Not normally this threatening, Mom was pushed to the limit from dealing with a sweet, loving daughter transformed into the customary “BrideZilla.”

Torrential rains had turned the 100-mile drive into a series of events just getting to the city, but when Wayne and Cowboy pulled up to the bakery, the real fun began. When the two informed the “artisan” who had created the cake of their transportation instructions, he went ballistic.

“There is no way I’m letting my cake leave here under those conditions,” he huffed. Cowboy considered mentioning it wasn’t his cake anymore, however, he’d never seen a psycho-baker before. He wasn’t sure what they do when pushed too far. Baker then informed the pair how the job would be done. The cake would be placed in the trunk of the car. “Trust me,” he fumed, “it will be safer.” Fear of the raging pastry monster overcame common sense so off they went, returning on roads now flooded in many spots, with a very expensive wedding cake back among tire irons, jumper cables and inner tubes.

As the small car alternately drove and floated (it was good to have a sailor on board) across the country roads towards home, the two debated their predicament. Perhaps the ballistic baker knew what he was doing, but they had been given very clear instructions from their wives. As any husband knows, there is a very small window of opportunity to plead your case to an irate wife before all lines of communications are cut off. When they pulled up to the house without a cake in their lap, would there be time to explain? As the pair approached the edge of town, sailor and cowboy hatched a plot. Spotting a gas station with a secluded, covered area, they pulled in. Neither wanted to be the first to get out and check on the condition of whatever remained of the cake. During those few moments an indelible agreement was created. Neither would ever tell the truth about this trip. Agreement made, they got out of the car and were greeted by a quite intact three layer wedding cake. Gingerly, they moved it from it's previous location to Wayne’s lap in the passenger seat.

Cowboy then got behind the wheel and drove the last two blocks to the house. Cowboy quickly entered the house for help to remove the cake from Wayne’s lap. They, of course, played up his discomfort from the heavy cake on his lap and solicited numerous compliments for being so diligent in following orders through such dangerous travel conditions.

The unlikely pair, a seafarer and a cowboy, bonded forever that day. They shared the praise of the group for their supreme cake delivery efforts and one more thing, as well. Together they share a secret that will go with them to their grave. As sailor once more takes to the high seas and the cowboy rides his horse across the hills, both will occasionally share the memory of their pact. With a little smile and a twinkle in their eye created by getting away with something, both re-pledge their pact never to reveal where that cake rode 99.75 miles through a rain storm.

I’m sorry I can’t tell you more except that the cake was delicious. Wayne and I both had two pieces!