Under the Wire

The best explanation I’ve ever heard regarding the relationship of a man to his horse is, “The outside of a horse is good for the inside of a man.” In the spirit of being socially and politically correct please delete “man” and insert “person” instead.

Now that I think about it, the statement, very old I’m sure, needs further updating and corrections. It probably would be illegal to make a blanket claim that the outside of a horse is good for the inside of a person. More correctly, it should be stated that the outside of a horse may affect the inside of a person in what could be considered by the general public as a beneficial or positive manner.

Once the lawyers get a hold of this, further refining is necessary. We must define “outside” and “inside.” For purposes of description in the following statement, inclusive, but not exclusive to said remark, “outside” shall be all areas of the horse covered by hair, or exterior dermatological material. “Outside” may also contain one or more brands, hot or freeze type, scars and old wire cuts in various locations, may or may not be adorned with cockleburs in the mane and tail portions or Show Sheen on animals prepared for the show ring. Hooves, ears, eyes and nostrils shall be considered part of “outside” territory.

“Inside” as it relates to the afore mentioned statement shall refer to the human species, male or female, of indeterminate age. Furthermore, inside shall be all organs normally found in homo-sapiens, including lungs, liver, heart (unless subject works for the IRS), kidneys and brain unless subject owns both cows and horses and/or is a politician.

Now that we have worked out these details it now is time for the standard disclaimers. Following the clarified and greatly improved statement we must add a few things. It must be mentioned that this association between person and beast will have the desired effect only when certain allergies are not present. Subzero weather or 100 degree temperatures may alter or totally eliminate any positive results of such an encounter. Other side effects may be sore buns (we aren’t talking bread rolls here folks), rope burns on both participating species and copious amounts of sweat. Repeated exposure to each other by mentioned principles can result in continually improved experiences but boredom on part of the equine participant must be guarded against.

Now let’s take a look at our old quote ... On second thought never mind. You knew what I was talking about in the first place. When the do-gooders get ahold of something, generally the true meaning gets lost. I’m as confused as you are, maybe even more and I wrote this. I think to relax and unwind a little, I’m going to saddle old Freckles and go for a little ride ... It makes me feel better, you know what I mean?