Under the Wire

Sometimes I wish I had become a football coach instead of a cowboy. I admire football coaches because their lives seem so simple compared to the rest of us.

If we pass a coach on the street or meet him at the Post Office, most of us do the same thing out of habit.

“How ya doing?” we’ll ask. I have to admit I utter those words out of habit. Honestly, most of the time I really don’t care how that person's doing. In fact, I’ve usually passed on by before they issue the standard OK. Truth be known, they haven’t really thought much about how they are doing and, if they had, it probably wouldn’t be any of my business. We may be friends who can visit for an hour if the situation is right but the casual “How ya doin’ ... OK” will do it for today.

The football coach, on the other hand, is different. During football season, “How he’s doing” is all he thinks of. Ask him the standard question and he answers automatically “Nine and two,” with a smile or “One and eight,” with a frown. He is referring to his win/loss record for the year. His job may hinge on it. Peace of mind and sense of self-worth definitely are a function of his success or lack thereof. The coach can put his stats for the year or his entire life down on a piece of paper and then rate himself amongst all other coaches, present and past, at any level of competition. What a great way to answer the big question we all ask ourselves occasionally. “How am I doing?” he knows.

While the coach can tally his existence weekly, I personally have no idea how I’m doing. That worries me. Just how am I doing? Of course I can evaluate some aspects of my life. I don’t have any major health concerns, except a few mental issues that generate these stories. Like many of you, though, I wonder how am I doing compared to everyone else ... financially. I realize money isn’t everything, but it sure seems like we all spend our lives trying to get some. It must be fairly important.

Every time I drive down the highway I pass new cars and pickups by the dozens. Many are parked in front of new houses. I can only imagine what they must cost. I ask myself, “How can they afford that stuff and why can’t I?” I worry, what don’t I know that they all do? Where did I go wrong? It really bothers me. Then I had an idea.

In today’s “information age” it seems someone somewhere has about every vital statistic there is on us. Why not pool all this info into one gigantic computer that would sort it all out and then publish a list each year ranking everyone in the country by net worth? Each of us could then go online and pull up the list by county, state or the entire country. All the vital data would be boiled down into a national win/ loss record. Subtract bank loans from new car values. Subtract credit card balances from total assets. Wouldn’t it be nice to know if driving an old pickup to check some sorry old cows had created more “wealth” than the guy with on SUV, boat and million dollar home? At least if we knew who was doing better in the game of life, we could decide if we liked being poor with cows and horses or being rich with a yacht.

At the post office when someone says “How ya doing?” I could answer, “1,834th in the county, up five from last year.” Even though there are only 2,000 people in my county, at least I know where I rank. If I live until I’m 114 I may make the top 1,000. It’s a goal and it feels good!

I must update this after writing it a while back. In today’s world of deserted sports stadiums, being a cowboy with some old cows to keep track of doesn’t compare half bad at all. Funny how the world works. Might make the top 1,000 in the county sooner than I had expected.