Son Up to Son Down

I hope all of you mamas had a blessed day with your families or I hope they left you alone if that was your Mother’s Day wish. No judgement, I get it. Each passing Mother’s Day makes me feel more and more emotional. They often say that you don’t really appreciate everything your mom has done for you until you are a mom yourself and I would have to agree with that. Most of all, I appreciate that she didn’t drop me off at a fire station.

Motherhood is tough because there are so many simultaneous feelings happening. It’s so exciting to watch your kids learn to ride a bike, jump in a swimming pool for the first time, lose a tooth and go off to school. On the other hand, it’s also frightening. Sometimes I can’t wait for the kids to go to their grandma’s so I can have a day or night to myself, but the second they leave I find myself watching videos or looking at pictures of them on my phone. I can’t wait to see the men my boys grow into, but I get weepy at the thought of them getting old enough to not need me. I get so annoyed with their “cool tricks” or fart jokes, but laugh to myself when I think of them later. I have the desire to be the strong matriarch in the household, but secretly wish someone would swoop in and save the day. The emotions of motherhood are a pendulum; we’re never just stationary.

I once read a quote that said, “Women are expected to work as if they don’t have children and raise children as if they don’t have work” and it has always stuck with me. Talk about unrealistic expectations. Even if a mother doesn’t work outside the home, we are taught and expected to make everything look easy and wear each of our hats perfectly balanced. While motherhood is an absolute gift, I think it’s naive for any of us to pretend that sometimes the burden of motherhood doesn’t feel like a curse.

Maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I think the expectations are too much. Make sure your kids are clean (but not too clean, they need to get dirty), get them involved in lots of activities (but not too many, you don’t want to exhaust them), they need to help around the house with chores (but not too many, they’re just kids), cook them nutritious meals (but let them have junk food or they’ll just sneak it), they need to be well-behaved (but don’t be too strict) and you have to put their needs first at all costs (but be careful, because you don’t want to spoil them). It’s no wonder mothers feel like they’re failing.

We beam with pride when we see our children accomplish something amazing because we’re the ones who did that! We have worked so hard to shape this kind, brave little person. But we also must remember that there will be days when we screw up. There’s no sense in setting the bar too high, because we will fail, over and over again. Our children may notice these mistakes, but they won’t love us any less because of them. Plus, nobody ever had fun doing the limbo when the bar was high.

So my wish for all of you mothers this Mother’s Day is to see yourself the way I do and to give yourself some grace. You are enough!