Son Up to Son Down

What a crazy time we’re in right now, huh? I’ve gone back and forth on this quarantine and social distancing thing a lot. When things first started being cancelled, closed and shut down, I thought we were overreacting in the most dramatic fashion. But the more I read about this, talk to people and mull it over, I think that this time, while extremely difficult in some respects, is the opportunity we all need to reconnect with our families.

I will be the first to admit that I have no intention of “homeschooling” my children while they are home for a few weeks. (I put homeschooling in quotations because I know some homeschool mamas and what I would attempt to do wouldn’t even compare to the work they put in to it.) Sure, we will do some activities like color by numbers, writing their names and counting. But I won’t be designing lesson plans, developing unit tests or grading any work. If this pandemic situation extends beyond the several weeks, then I may have to change my stance. More importantly, I want to take these next couple of weeks to reconnect with my kids and work on skills that may not be explicitly taught in school.

A 2018 study of 2,000 parents with school-aged children across the country found that during the work week, families are managing less than 45 minutes together due to hectic routines of work, school activities, chores, errands, etc. When I first read this statistic, I thought to myself “There’s no way. We are all home around 5 p.m. and the kids don’t go to bed until 8:00, so that’s three hours per day.” But just because we’re all under one roof doesn’t mean we are together. Between dinner, baths, homework, chores and other miscellaneous things we try to get done in the evenings, we’re probably not spending more than that 45 minutes really being with one another.

While children rely on us to get their basic needs met, they also develop some really important skills within the walls of our homes. Social skills begin to develop at home when our children interact with siblings or parents. This is prime for learning how to establish relationships with others. Spending time together as a family can foster positive communication skills, values and trust. Even leisurely activities can benefit children’s emotional well-being. When we do things together as a family like cooking dinner or folding laundry, this establishes a sense of bonding or teamwork between the family members. Time spent enjoying things together can help children to experience appreciation and love for others. Quality family time has also been proven to reduce a child’s risk of experiencing emotional distress. According to research gathered by Family Facts, quality time spent with parents promotes children’s academic achievement. Family time also reduces children’s likelihood to engage in violent behavior or substance abuse.

If you do anything for your child during this time of uncertainty and irregularity, connect with them. Don’t stress yourself out on providing math, science and reading curriculum, (unless that’s what you want to do!). You may not be able to teach them academic content, but this is the perfect chance to help your child in other ways. Below are some examples of things I have found that you can do with your child to bolster their social-emotional development.

Puppets are a great way to introduce children to feeling words like happy, sad or mad. If you don’t have puppets, just use some action figures or Barbie dolls! Use them to role play a situation in which the children might discuss challenging topics or feelings.

Do a job together. Instead of asking your child to do a chore alone, do it with them. Fold the laundry, set the table or clean the dishes. Doing these activities with your child helps them understand the teamwork it takes to run a home, teaches them a life skill and also provides lots of opportunity for praise!

Play games. Card games and board games are an easy way to connect with your children! These teach things like turn taking, cooperation and handling frustration or losing. Outdoor games like tag add in the element of exercise.

Read. This has to be my favorite thing to do with my boys, especially bedtime stories. Discuss the characters and events. Ask your child what s/he thinks about the story. “What would you do if you were this character? How do you think he feels? What should she do?”

Build. Use Legos, blocks or any other similar objects to build something together. Ask your child about their creation, “What would this be used for? How big is it?” This encourages imagination and collaboration.

Go for a walk. There is so much to be seen in nature! Do a scavenger hunt, make an art project with leaves, grass, rocks and feathers. Never underestimate the power of fresh air.

Exercise. There are so many YouTube exercise videos out there for families and kids to do together. Aside from encouraging health and physical fitness, it also provides an opportunity for bonding, encouragement and stress management for all!

Eat dinner. This means away from the TV! Dinnertime conversation has been shown to boost child vocabulary even more than reading aloud. For school-age children, regular family meals are a more powerful predictor of high achievement than time spent in school or doing homework. Teens who ate family meals frequently were twice as likely to get A’s in school. Children who eat regular family dinners also eat healthier.

Cook together. Cooking is a valuable life skill. There is no better time than now to teach your child how to cook or bake something. This can easily be used as a reading or math lesson and also demonstrates the importance of following directions.

Snuggle. Physical touch such as hugging, is one of the most important stimulations require to grow healthy brains and bodies. It can boost the immune system, increase resilience, calm the nervous system and improve parent-child bonding.

I encourage you to take advantage of these moments with your children when you can. The days will be long, but the opportunities we have to grow, connect and love will endure for a lifetime. Take care of yourselves, wash your hands and don’t run out of toilet paper!